Joshua Hair Report 2005

Friday, May 20, 2005 - Memphis, TN - Hello, and welcome to the Joshua Hair Report. As I'm sure you are aware, it's that time of year again; Joshua chose a new hair color for the summer and we applied it last night after Joshua's yoga kitty lesson. So without further ado, here's how it went:

Decisions on hair color have become much more difficult this year because Joshua has practically tried every color Manic Panic makes. This year he wanted to go pink, but what shade of pink? His choices basically were: black, yellow, orange, hot magenta pink, and cotton candy.

After careful deliberation, Joshua made his choice. I felt it was important that he choose a color that isn't associated with the rampant drug culture that's so prevalent these days.

An interesting, little-known fact about Joshua: as the end of school looms, he can't wait to dye his hair. However, on the night we do it, he always has serious misgivings; stage fright, if you will. He'd be much calmer if he would just embrace Zogg, as I have done.

Regardless, we forge ahead. The bleach is applied and a bonnet is firmly affixed to Joshua's head. While Joshua cooks we play the Medical Examiner Trial Game. When the bonnet comes off, Joshua washes his hair, then the results are appreciated.OK, enough appreciation.

Really, you can stop appreciating now.

*Cough cough*

Hello? *Snaps fingers*

Next, we move to the colorization phase. Pam and I have become so adept at doing this we just dump the entire contents of the dye jar on his head and work it in with many gloved hands. Josh screams and tries to escape at this point, but by now we have him tied down in the cat torture chair.The bonnet, freshly washed, is once again glued to his head.

Joshua whiled away the time watching Anakin Dynamite and counting his money he has saved for an apron. Then, during an MTV cat-dance video, he fell asleep. Awwwwww. Isn't he so cute? Shhhh! Don't tell anybody or the crazy lady who collects things will try to collect him!

The next morning at 6 AM I poke Josh with a stick. He gets up and washes his hair. After a vigorous towel drying, he marveled at the splendor that is his hair.

There you have it; the Super Cool Hip Magenta Pink Joshua 2005!