Joshua Hair Report 2005

Friday, May 20, 2005 - Memphis, TN - Hello, and welcome to the Joshua Hair Report. As I'm sure you are aware, it's that time of year again; Joshua chose a new hair color for the summer and we applied it last night after Joshua's yoga kitty lesson. So without further ado, here's how it went:

Decisions on hair color have become much more difficult this year because Joshua has practically tried every color Manic Panic makes. This year he wanted to go pink, but what shade of pink? His choices basically were: black, yellow, orange, hot magenta pink, and cotton candy.

After careful deliberation, Joshua made his choice. I felt it was important that he choose a color that isn't associated with the rampant drug culture that's so prevalent these days.

An interesting, little-known fact about Joshua: as the end of school looms, he can't wait to dye his hair. However, on the night we do it, he always has serious misgivings; stage fright, if you will. He'd be much calmer if he would just embrace Zogg, as I have done.

Regardless, we forge ahead. The bleach is applied and a bonnet is firmly affixed to Joshua's head. While Joshua cooks we play the Medical Examiner Trial Game. When the bonnet comes off, Joshua washes his hair, then the results are appreciated.OK, enough appreciation.

Really, you can stop appreciating now.

*Cough cough*

Hello? *Snaps fingers*

Next, we move to the colorization phase. Pam and I have become so adept at doing this we just dump the entire contents of the dye jar on his head and work it in with many gloved hands. Josh screams and tries to escape at this point, but by now we have him tied down in the cat torture chair.The bonnet, freshly washed, is once again glued to his head.

Joshua whiled away the time watching Anakin Dynamite and counting his money he has saved for an apron. Then, during an MTV cat-dance video, he fell asleep. Awwwwww. Isn't he so cute? Shhhh! Don't tell anybody or the crazy lady who collects things will try to collect him!

The next morning at 6 AM I poke Josh with a stick. He gets up and washes his hair. After a vigorous towel drying, he marveled at the splendor that is his hair.

There you have it; the Super Cool Hip Magenta Pink Joshua 2005!

Not Your Father's Rapper Rumble

So Joshua got Def Jam Fight for NY for his birthday. He chose it over God of War, which flabbergasted me.

After he had played it a few days he tried to explain the premise to me.

"...And you meet other rappers and have to defeat them to take over these nightclubs..."

And so on. He launched into a description of his latest exploit.

"...And this rapper I had defeated jumps me in the subway and he has a shotgun..." he enthusiastically told me.

"Lemme guess," I interrupted, "you pull out your gatt and pop a cap in his ass!"

Joshua looked vaguely embarrassed, "No."

"You take a shiv and cut him stem to stern," I supplied.

"No Pop," he sighed, "He tired to shoot me but he ran outta ammo. Then I beat him in a fist fight!"

A fist fight?

It occurred to me that the rappers of my day, 2Pac, the Notorious B.I.G., etc., must be rolling in their violent graves. A fist fight? *sigh*

~~~

Joshua just came into the room asking "who is this big tall guy with the clock on his chest?"

I know about a small, old guy who wears a clock on his chest. I guess that will have to do.

Joshua's Tenth Birthday

Why is Joshua exposing himself in the picture on the left? What is that ghastly thing on the right? The answers could only make sense if you knew that Joshua went to Libertyland for his tenth birthday.

That's right, my son has made the transition from little boy to elder boy in the time honored ritual of roller coaster riding. True, at one point he was kicking and screaming for his mommy before we got him on the Zippin' Pippin, but afterwords he was begging to ride it again. Such is the nature of the unstable march to manhood.

For educational purposes, I decided to contrast our recent pictures with those that we took in 2002 when we were celebrating Joshua's transition from boy-child to little boy.

Libertyland, Then and Now
Then 2002	Now 2005